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Hollow

How is it that I can maintain my appearance to the world yet fail to maintain my own appearance to my self?

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How do I perfect in life?

How is it that I can maintain my appearance to the world yet fail to maintain my own appearance to my self?

How do I perfect in life?

How is it that I can work hard and gain these so called A+ marks yet feel as thought I’m still failing?

How do I perfect in life?

How is it that I can make everyone around me feel alive and put smiles on their faces yet behind closed doors, fail to even know how to make myself smile?

How do I perfect in life?

Truth be told, I can never perfect in life. Its a given and it is not something that upsets me.

What does upset me, no, sadden me is that-

How can i be seen successful in all these materialistic aspect of life and to everyone else, yet the most I feel is the success echoing through my hollowness?

Why is all I feel a pang of hollowness?

How do I perfect in myself?

The question that I now realize I should be more focused on, yet it is shown to be selfish and unacceptable

When will this feeling end? the random days of sadness? the feeling of never being good enough, the never ending tunnel of darkness,

Hollowness.

I. Can. 💪🏽

God doesn’t give you more than you can handle… or so that saying goes. I can do this. I can succeed and I can be good. I will succeed. Ill survive exams. I’ll pass my classes. I’ll live with or without my love in my life. I’ll learn to cherish the people I love more. I’ll be selfless and I’ll be considerate. I will pray and even though thats a huge step, I will verbally pray. I will keep my faith and stay strong. I can do this. I can make it out through the other side. 

I can atleast put all these emotions on pause till exams are over. I can do this. I will do this. This is for me. I will not be a petty party. I will not cry over all that is happening. I need to focus. Keep my head on straight. Push harder and focus. Life may seem horrible right now but theres a plan for everyone. I will keep following my path and I can take whatever gets thrown my way, even if I think I cant. I can do this.

Do it up…

You are a masterpiece and on your way to completion…

Through all the pain I’m going through right now, with everything going on and feeling as though I can never be loved or love again… Previous loves are a reminder that I can; that it’s not the end of the world…

I’m young and have a long way to go, focus on myself and I’ll make it even farther…

Life is a continuous surprise, never underestimate it’s powers of Gods path that he has for you…

People come and go but you need to remember that with each gain or loss, take it as an opportunity to strengthen yourself and improve rather than crumble under the pain and shatter into a million pieces…

And EVEN if you shatter into a million pieces, THAT’S OKAY. After pulling through, you’ll know yourself better than ever because YOU were able to put all those pieces back together… you’re a puzzle already, it takes time to put any beautiful puzzle together…

You are a masterpiece and on your way to completion…

Do it up dear… Do it up.

Perspective

I have time to set my priorities and get to know myself again.

This break was initially for you.. you said it’s best for us and I did not see it that way until now. I can see how it is for us… I was wrong.

I needed this break too, more than I thought. I have lost my independent touch and this break is allowing me to regain that, it’s allowing me to find my zen per say.

I used to be so chill and laid back but in this relationship, when things happened idk, I sort of last my cool at times and was becoming someone I did not like at all.

With this break, I’m finding myself again, and it’s amazing; being able to realize that I can still find myself. If we get back together, I think this break would make us stronger than ever.

From my perspective, I see us working out. We just need time and space once in a while. Space is not bad, it does not mean things will end, it just means time for yourself… since when did i stop liking time for myself?!

It may be hard not talking to him, but now I have time to set my priorities and get to know myself again. I feel as though so many people miss out on that when they get into a relationship. They’re so focused on making their spouse happy that they lose themselves in the process, it shouldn’t be like that. Through respecting each others boundaries and giving space when needed, you can get your happily ever after; with or without the guy!

Love yourself.

Tainted

You are more in control than you think.

I thought this would make me happy, that I would be filled with joy and not a minute to waste on frowning… when did my thoughts get tainted?

I’m now sitting here, I have what I have wanted… yet my joy is tainted

The joy of having what I have been crying for, hurting over and praying for is here, but tainted.

It is no longer like before and I don’t know if it ever will be, many edges and mountains was overcome to reach here but somewhere along the way, the vision got tainted

Now I sit here wondering if it was worth it, worth the pain… could it be that I am just over thinking? Is my joy really not tainted but my thoughts of my joy tainted instead?

At the end of the day, I control how I see the outcomes… how I see myself envisioning the future and I will NOT allow these tainted thoughts ruin that

I will overcome this next upcoming mountain because my joy is valued, my joy is important to me; enough to not taint it.

Blocked

It’s hard to move on, but harder to not.

I am trying to be understanding… I am trying to accept everything in the midst of how they are… I really am, but I can’t… there’s something blocking me from doing that.

Do you know how that feels? To know and will for yourself to move on… to actually make a few steps forward but your heart just seems to pull you back… as if to block you from moving on.

Whether it’s a glance at a picture, a song that comes on the radio or even the way you carry yourself around, it all brings you back to that ONE person… that person who has now seemed to block you out.

This person, that you loved and cared for now seems to be the main source of confusion, hurt and anger for you. You love and care for them but yet they can’t even see what they’re doing to you by blocking you off.

You are falling apart at the very moment and there’s no way for you to tell them, to let them know… because you are blocked.

Now think to yourself, you can either make good from this or continue to crush yourself through your very own thoughts. It is now YOUR turn to block.

It is understandable that you feel pain, understandable that you question your sanity and have a hard time accepting what that person has done to you, but it is time to defy the odds and pick yourself up. Block those negative vibes and thoughts, be strong.

You need to realize that although you were happy with that person, do not let that take away from realizing that before that person, you were capable of making yourself happy… you are happy on your own; although happiER with that individual, you are still capable of being happy on your OWN.

Be strong enough to block out the negatives and accept the positives, you are strong so BLOCK AWAY.

Loss of Laughter

I know I can be happy alone, but I’m happier with you.

Where are the laughs now? where have they gone… you were it for me and that just it, you shouldn’t be.

There has been space, and with that came realization, you don’t define my happiness but rather improve it… I know I can be happy alone, but I’m happier with you.

I find myself at loss with laughter, of laughter… I spend my time fighting the urge to think of you, instead, I fill the void by doing things that make me happy; yet I’m still at a loss of laughter. why?

You know those full belly laughs? those giggling laughs? man I laughed good with you around, now my laughs are empty… almost forced as if I know that if I don’t laugh, I’ll be forced to think about why theres tension within the laughter… which makes me see that the loss of my laughter is just… a loss.

Things that are lost can be found, I am determined to find it. Even though I know I can be happy, having a loss of laughter seems more detrimental. I am on a mission to find that laughter now and it may take some time, but I am determined to not let this, let you, make my loss of laughter a permanently lost laughter.

I will find you Laughter.

~FreedEmotions